Enemy, Birthday, Subtle
by Eldr-Fire
Summary: Lee is determined to prove his cunning and integrity to the man of his dreams. For Saturday Crack and as part of my quest to have a story written for every pairing romantic or otherwise that does not have one on the FFN archive. Mild language & themes.


At a community to which I belong, today is Saturday Crack day. What a great day for me, haha! This is wonderful! I was guided to a random crack pairing generator and received the following instructions:

Lee x Kotetsu

prompt: enemy, birthday, subtle

The reason I'm posting it as its own story and not as a part of my collection is because it's part of my quest to have a story in the FFN archive for every two Naruto characters. Believe me, it has been a tough struggle-- normally I ALWAYS put something with a prompt/under 1500 words into Small Tokens. However, once I weighed my options I realized that the quest was more important than convention! (Oh, and for those of you who are reading my story _Shadowplay_, don't worry-- I know I've been posting lots of other stuff lately, but I'm about 1300 words into chapter seven.)

Title: Enemy, Birthday, Subtle  
Words: 1,183  
Genre(s): Humor/Romance  
Pairing: KoteLee (dunno the proper annotation)  
Rating: G  
Notes: Happy Saturday Crack!

* * *

Kotetsu tapped his pen against the desk, frowning at the bills piled on his desk. "Gah, with Tsunade it's sake, then Kakashi it's Icha Icha, and now with Naruto it's all of this damn _ramen_!"

Izumo nodded in understanding, grimacing at the sound of the five-letter word he had come to hate.

Still fuming, Kotetsu continued, "His overspending is by _far_ the worst of the three of them! Tsunade was no lightweight, but she could never drink even a fraction as much as Naruto can shovel these things down! It makes me miss Kakashi-- the worst thing with him was being too embarrassed to even read the titles of the books he was ordering."

Lips quirking in a smile, Izumo patted his partner on the back. "I love it when you get so riled up."

Kotetsu's temple twitched in annoyance. "Not now," he said irritably. "I'm too angry."

Izumo pouted. "Aww, too angry? Even for a little kissy?" He puckered his lips; Kotetsu batted him away.

"I said not now!" he hissed. "There could be people watching!"

Oh, and there were people watching. One person, to be exact. He stood shaking outside the window, perched precariously on the branch of a tree so that his large, owlish eyes could peek over the sill and stream with tears as he watched the object of his affection. His body was tightly fitted with bright green Spandex, a stark contrast to the red of Hokage Tower. His thin form was pressed, trembling, against the painted wood, and he let out a low whine as he watched Izumo steal a kiss.

Izumo. How his heart burned with rage at the sound of the name. Smug and so effortlessly _cool_, Izumo kept his affair with Kotetsu well-hidden, but Lee was no fool. He could see the way lust smoldered in Kotetsu's dark chocolate eyes when he glanced at his partner. He had pressed his ear against the closet door only to hear the muffled moans and pants as one man pressed into another. Oh how he had wept.

But that would change today. Today, Lee would prove his integrity as a man to Kotetsu, and Kotetsu would be so impressed by Lee's good grace and personal strength that he would gaze upon a man he had scarcely seen thrice with a new light, finally illuminated by the sheer manliness of one Rock Lee.

Sniffling heavily in an effort to staunch the sorry flow of manly mucous, Lee sprung from the tree and landed gracefully on the slanted yellow slats of Hokage Tower. The sun boldly pierced the clear November sky. Lee squinted against it and pulled a small parcel from his hip pouch. Squeezing it lightly with his fingers, he narrowed his thick eyebrows in resolve and leapt from the roof.

Landing on the ground, he burst through the doors and began running up the stairs. To some it may have appeared counterproductive when he was already outside the correct story, but for Lee it was just part of his hardened discipline. As part of his preparation for the coming encounter, it was necessary to complete a physical task. Sprinting up the winding wooden stairs of the Tower seemed appropriate.

He skidded to halt when he came to the hallway. A peal of Izumo's laughter reached his ears, making him cringe with disgust, but as his mentor had taught him, he must be a man and smile confidently in the face of an adversary. Izumo was to Lee as Kakashi-sensei was to Gai-sensei, only in Lee's case, the stakes were much higher than five hundred laps naked around the village. Love was on the line here.

Assuming a relaxed stance, he began to walk very casually down the hall. He had watched those conventionally "cooler" than himself, and from his observations he had determined that it was best to let his arms swing. He did them one better, treating his arms like noodles in the wind and letting them wiggle about in exaggerated motions as he lumbered down the hall. He had also noticed that keeping his legs further apart seemed to be a component of optimal coolness, so he did his best to walk while bending slightly at the knees. He felt rather like a drunken gorilla, but all of the cool kids were doing it. Or something like that.

His eyebrows pointed downwards as he concentrated on his appearance. His mouth trembled as he set it in a fixed, toothy grin. To an outsider it would have looked rather menacing, but as far as Lee was concerned he looked confident and maybe even a little sexy!

Beads of sweat raced down his face as he neared the table. Izumo was poking Kotetsu's arm, watching as Kotetsu's face darkened with increasingly angry shades of magenta.

Then, Kotetsu looked past Izumo to see Lee shuffling dangerously down the hall in all of his glory. "Oh my God," he murmured. Izumo looked curiously over his shoulder, eyes widening and jaw going slack as he took in the frightening display.

Their heads followed his progression, turning until they were facing straight again when Lee stopped in front of their table. Always the more level-headed one, Izumo frowned and asked, "Can we _help_ you?"

Lee's eyes widened a fraction of an inch; the other two shrank back, exchanging faintly disgusted glances before reluctantly swinging their gazes back to Lee.

"I heard it was your birthday." Lee could no longer maintain his smile, but instead made his pronouncement with a slight frown. Unblinking, he kept his gaze fixed on Izumo as he slowly held out the parcel. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied clumsily with a thin rope.

"This is my present, which I most cordially offer to you." He jerked his palm forward a little, indicating that Izumo should take it. He did, gingerly lifting the parcel by the tied bow on top.

"Err, thank you..."

"Open it!"

Izumo hurried to unwrap it. The paper fell away to reveal a slightly squished cupcake. Most of the yellow frosting had stuck to the paper, leaving the top of the cupcake looking like a map of Suna.

Lee chanced a glance at Kotetsu. This was the moment: this was when Kotetsu would realize that Lee was subtly coming onto him, displaying his forgiving nature in the gift to his sworn enemy. Lee waited with bated breath, eyes never leaving Kotetsu as Izumo nervously sniffed the small dessert.

But something wasn't right. Kotetsu wasn't gaping at him in awe and newfound respect coupled with the first sparks of true love. Feeling the grip of panic, Lee stumbled out, "I made it with my own strong hands!"

Izumo leaned back in his chair, gently pushing the cupcake to the side of this desk. His nose was slightly wrinkled. "Right. Well, thanks."

Lee's gaze lingered on Kotetsu, who squinted in discomfort. "Uh, is there anything else you need?"

_Your love!_ Lee yearned to scream. However, Lee knew when he had been beaten, and so he gave a tragic sniffle before making his dramatic exit.


End file.
